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Introduction

• Matthew 18:21-22 (ESV): ²¹ Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” ²² Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
• But unlimited forgiveness is not just a method or a practice.
• It is also deeply tied to a way of life, a way of thinking–a lifestyle of peacemaking.

As believers, we should be poised to rise above the petty matters that feed conflict.

Chloe ‘Nem

• 1 Corinthians 1:10 (ESV): ¹⁰ I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.
• 1 Corinthians 1:11-12 (ESV): ¹¹ For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. ¹² What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” 
• 1 Corinthians 1:13 (ESV):¹³ Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?
  • • What he concludes is that they are all wrong for dividing into factions.
• 1 Corinthians 3:1(ESV): ¹ But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ.

• 1 Corinthians 3:2 (ESV): ² I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready,
• 1 Corinthians 3:3-4 (ESV): ³ for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? ⁴ For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human?

Divine insight into the source of the conflict.

• Insight into the source of conflict is one of the things that distinguishes between mature people and immature people.
• The difference between mature and immature people is not whether they deal with conflict, but how they deal with conflict.
• Immature people deal with conflict at the surface level. Mature people deal with conflict at the roots.

What You Not Gon’ Do

“What You Not Gon’ Do” is the self-righteous attitude we hold when people don’t treat or respond to us in the way we think they should.

• James 4:1 (ESV): ¹ What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
• If our motivations are not healthy, then they will create ripple effects in our relationships that breed perpetual conflict.

• James 4:2 (ESV): ² You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
  • The reason why you’re not getting what you want is that you’re not going to God for what you need.
  • Your challenge is that you’re counting on something external to heal something internal.
• James 4:3 (ESV): ³ You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
• Luke 10:41–42 (ESV): ⁴¹ But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, ⁴² but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Practical Steps & Tools

In this last portion, we’re going to offer some practical steps to identify those things that trouble us (internally).

And then secure the good portion that Jesus promises.

So that we can address conflict in healthy ways and help our relationships to flourish.

Tools from Focus on the Family

Focus on the Family Naming Tool

• Name the Feeling, Name the Reaction, Name the Desire.

Care Cycle Tools:

• Book: 9 Lies That Will Destroy Your Marriage and the Truths That Will Save It and Set It Free
• Worksheet

The Care Cycle

(The following information is derived and quoted from the book and worksheet with listed above)

1. Aware
2. Accept
3. Allow
4. Attend
5. Act

Aware:

• Be aware. That is, “Recognize [that] your heart is triggered, and your heart is closed.”

Accept

• Accept responsibility. “Your feelings; your responsibility.”

Ask and Allow

• “Invite God to help care for you.”

Attend

• “Get to work.” (internally)

Act

• “Get to work” (externally)