Introduction

Ephesians 4:11–16 (ESV)

¹¹ And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, ¹² to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, ¹³ until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, ¹⁴ so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. ¹⁵ Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ¹⁶ from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Growth is a collective project.

Not only do we grow together, but other people help us grow.

The foundation of our growth is spiritual, but its scope is holistic.

Growth in our spiritual lives affects the quality of our intellectual lives, our cultural lives, our emotional lives, our social lives—which includes dating.

Who you date and how you date is a reflection of your spiritual maturity.

Among other things, your dating life exposes what you think about love, sex and marriage.

Review

The Sacredness of Singleness

• An invitation to embrace the high call of the single life and to enjoy its joy, peace and contentment.

Ordinary People

• An appeal to compel you to treat ordinary people with dignity, respect and honor.
• How you treat ordinary people is an indication of how you will treat special people. (like people you date and marry)

But there is a level before that.

There are categories of special people that come before romantic partners and spouses.

Friends, Associates, Acquaintances and Advisors

The quality and status of your friends, acquaintances and advisors affect the quality of your life.

Choose Your Friends Carefully

Proverbs 12:26 (ESV): ²⁶ One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 12:26 (NIV): ²⁶ The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV): ³³ Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

• Proverbs 18:24 (ESV): ²⁴ A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

• Proverbs 18:24 (NIV): ²⁴ One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 
  • • Psalm 1:1–3 (ESV): ¹Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; ² but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. ³ He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. 
      • Luke 7:35 (ESV): ³⁵ Yet wisdom is justified by all her children.”
      • You want to fortify your friendships.

Influence Can Be Progressive

Proverbs 1:8–19 (ESV): ⁸ Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, ⁹ for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. ¹⁰ My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. ¹¹ If they say, “Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without reason; ¹² like Sheol let us swallow them alive, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; ¹³ we shall find all precious goods, we shall fill our houses with plunder; ¹⁴ throw in your lot among us; we will all have one purse” ¹⁵ my son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths, ¹⁶ for their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed blood. ¹⁷ For in vain is a net spread in the sight of any bird, ¹⁸ but these men lie in wait for their own blood; they set an ambush for their own lives. ¹⁹ Such are the ways of everyone who is greedy for unjust gain; it takes away the life of its possessors.

James 4:4 (ESV): ⁴ You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

Good Friends Tell You the Truth

Proverbs 27:5–6 (ESV): ⁵ Better is open rebuke than hidden love. ⁶ Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

Proverbs 27:5–6 (NIV): ⁵ Better is open rebuke than hidden love. ⁶ Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs 12:5 (ESV): ⁵ The thoughts of the righteous are just; the counsels of the wicked are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:17 (ESV): ¹⁷ Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Consider Acquaintances

Attitudes and mindsets are contagious.

Proverbs 22:24–25 (ESV): ²⁴ Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, ²⁵ lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Learn How to Take Advice

Proverbs 14:12 (ESV): ¹² There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

Proverbs 12:15 (ESV): ¹⁵ The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

Proverbs 28:26 (ESV): ²⁶ Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

Ecclesiastes 4:13 (ESV): ¹³ Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice.

Proverbs 27:9 (ESV): ⁹ Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Proverbs 11:14 (ESV): ¹⁴ Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 19:20 (ESV): ²⁰ Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

Proverbs 24:5–6 (ESV): ⁵ A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might, ⁶ for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.

© Joshua D. Smith, Ph.D., 2024