Beef – Part 3

Introduction 

Your Christianity doesn’t protect you from conflict.  

Conflict is not necessarily the sign that something’s wrong. 

Sometimes conflict is a sign that something is going right. 

There are righteous ways to say “ouch” and unrighteous ways to say “ouch.”  

Back to the Beef 

Let’s again review our categories we’ve already covered: 

• Chloe ‘Nem
• What You Not Gon’ Do
• Don’t Judge Me

We have two more categories: 

• Watch Your Mouth
• Standing on BusinessWatch Your Mouth 
• James 3:5-6 (ESV):5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.  
• The purpose of making these strong statements about the tongue’s influence is to foster a respect for its power  
• James 3:9-10 (ESV): 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.  
• We are the vessel of the Holy Spirit, so what comes out of our mouths should be pure, holy, and edifying.  
• James 3:11-12 (ESV):11Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. 

If we know we are God’s vessels then have to watch our mouths. 

The key is discerning the difference between pure and impure speech. 

Toxic Emotions and Behavior 

We’ll go to Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church 

• Ephesians 4:30 (ESV):30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  

Six Toxic Attitudes of the Heart 

• Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV):31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  

Bitterness 

• Acts 8:22–23 (ESV):22 Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you. 23 For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity.” 
• Bile is the “bitter greenish-brown alkalinefluid that aids digestion and is secreted by the liver and stored in the gallbladder.” [Oxford Languages Digital Dictionary powered by Google] 
• The next two words Paul mentions I would like to talk about together, as they related: 
• The first is wrath. The second is anger. 
• While they both of similar meanings in the Greek,  
• Wrath:OR θυμός (thymos) [THAI-moss or THY-moss] is most associated with vengeance AND  
• Anger:OR ὀργή (orgē). [or-GAY (or-GAI)] is most associated with impulsive passion.  

Wrath 

• “punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act.” [Oxford Languages Digital Dictionary powered by Google] 
• Romans 12:19 (ESV):19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 

Anger 

• An impulse is “a sudden strong and unreflectiveurge or desire to act.” [Oxford Languages Digital Dictionary powered by Google] 
• So that was anger.  

Clamor 

• Clamor refers to shouting or getting into a verb brawl. 

Slander 

• Assassinating someone’s character 

Malice 

• Malice: the intention or desire to do evil
• Pain has a narrow vision 

Gossip: Toxic Speech 

• 2 Corinthians 12:20 (ESV):20 For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. 
• 1 Timothy 5:13 (ESV):13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. 
• Proverbs 20:19 (NLT):19 A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers. 
• Proverbs 11:13 (NLT):13 A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. 
• Gossips aren’t trustworthy because if they’ll tell other people’s business, they’ll tell your business.

What Is Gossip? 

Gossip: idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others [Dictionary.com] 

Gossip can be driven by a number of things: 

1. The toxic emotions and behaviors listed in Scripture 
2. The sense of importance we hold when we share information or are perceived as someone having inside information 
3. The boost in esteem we experience when other people’s reputation is soiled 
4. The high we get from other people’s reactions to information we shared 

Strategies to Avoid Gossip and Giving Expression to Toxic Emotions 

Let’s go back to the definition of gossip 

• Gossip:idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others [Dictionary.com] 
• Avoid the things that fuel gossip 
• Avoid idle talk and rumor and be judicious about making the private matters of other people public 
• Idle Talk: conversation without a serious purpose or value (Reverso.com) 
• Rumor: unverified information about other people 
• Private matters are private. 
• If I’m uncertain about whether something should be shared or not, how do I decide? 
• Think before you speak 
• As yourself if your words are  
• T = True 
• H = Helpful 
• I = Inspirational
• N = Necessary
• K = Kind 

*Acronym from Pastor Bayless Conley:https://www.youtube.com/shorts/RNrl6TS2XpM 

When It’s Okay to call People Out 

A pastor has a responsibility to protect the sheep 

John 10:10–13 (ESV): 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 

• Hired hands are people who are not only looking for payment with money, but also with emotional validation.  
• Sharing information about other people’s faults in public is not wrong when the information is truthful and shared with the right motives 
• Protection of the flock is a reason to call people out  
• Public figures require public accountability  
• Public rebuke is biblical 
• Paul named names: 
• Galatians 2:11–14 (ESV): 11 But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. 12 For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party.13 And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. 14 But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?” 
• Calling people out when their conduct is not in step with the truth of the gospel 
• 1 Timothy 1:18–20 (ESV):18 This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, 19 holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, 20 among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme. 
• 2 Timothy 4:9–10 (ESV):9 Do your best to come to me soon. 10 For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. 
• Paul also called people out implicitly:  
• 1 John 2:18–19 (ESV):18 Children, it is the last hour, and as you have heard that antichrist is coming, so now many antichrists have come. Therefore we know that it is the last hour. 19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us. 

One Final Word of Encouragement 

• Acts 15:36–41 (ESV):36 And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” 37 Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches. 
• Paul refuses to work with Mark in ministry because of Mark’s rookie mistakes. 
• Two Christians deeply divided over the merits of a third Christian. 
• 2 Timothy 4:11 (ESV):11 Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. 
• Once Mark matures, Paul is able to work with him. 
• Somehow things eventually work out, a reason for us to hope